ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
