I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
