This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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