Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
