It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
