he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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