Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
