I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
