Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
