i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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