he was CRYING into my vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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