My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
zippers are such a cool invention
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
