I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
