I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
