you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
