You can't special order awesome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
