Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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