No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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