the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
