Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
