so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
