so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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