We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize