The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i believe in u and ur pee
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