No awkward lesbian experiences without me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there is glitter all over my balls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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