I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
