well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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