why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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