if you like me you must not know who I am
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
