I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize