Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
