She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
