my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
