Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
