So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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