I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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