Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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