If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she smelled like a LAN party
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
