Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
