If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
