Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
