Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At least make sure they are 18
Why
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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