all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
whose parrot is this?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
