You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize