Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
