WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
