I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Enjoy the penises
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
