i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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