Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
