If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
