My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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