Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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