It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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