so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i will never coherently bang her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
