Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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