I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
