i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
