so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
