I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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