uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Two words: nipple clamps
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