Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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