i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
