just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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