so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
