Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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