so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize