I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
