ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
