I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
