5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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